Masen After Dark
by twilightedseattlegirl
Summary: My entry for vjgm's Trust in Advertising crack-fiction contest. We know what happens at the advertising agency during the day, but what about after hours? Eric the security guard's lips are sealed, kind-of. A mix of smut and silliness.


**This is very different in tone/style/content than anything I have ever written before - a mix of smut and silliness. I couldn't resist putting in my own take of the Jane's Twinkie Demise idea that vjgm mentioned when she first kicked off the crackfiction contest, but there is also a pajama party, nursey rhyme reference, and a heated game of Go Fish thrown in with some nudity and cross dressing. A little something for everyone :) Enjoy!**

**Trust in Advertising: Masen After Dark**

At 6:00 PM exactly, Eric Yorkie entered his workspace through a non-descript door and locked himself inside. The security guard often wondered why there wasn't a nameplate or another means to identify the room. Perhaps no one wanted to be reminded that the agency paid a college drop-out $10 an hour to stare at a bank of computer screens for 12 hours each night. When Eric took the job four months ago he had been assured by his recruiter that after-hours monitoring of the floors dedicated to Masen Advertising was done merely as a precaution. They didn't actually anticipate any trouble, but the executives supposedly slept better knowing that the trade secrets housed in the Eclipse Building were well protected.

They should have been much more worried about their personal secrets.

Eric seriously doubted that the senior leadership team knew he or his role existed. They certainly didn't seem to know or recall that their offices were monitored in addition to the common areas. Because if they did know… well, that would just add a whole new dimension to the fuckery that took place at Masen after dark.

The previous night security guard had worked at the advertising agency for over 23 years. Old Man Banner, as he was known by the few that were aware of his existence, had given a chuckle when he handed the keys over to Eric. "I hope you have a strong stomach" was his only advice once he showed his replacement how to work the monitoring system, a process that took all of 20 minutes. Yep, this was a cushy job.

Eric had pictured himself reading magazines or maybe even sneaking in a gaming system to occupy the endless night hours, but as it turned out, there was little need for outside entertainment. An open mind though was a necessity. And a tendency towards perversion was a plus. Eric had both in heaping amounts. Yep, this was a fucking fantastic job.

Eric turned on the first monitor which had a peeling label underneath it with the single word "Productions". The image of that douchebag Felix filled the screen. Eric had the misfortune of running into him once and had also witnessed second-hand numerous interactions between the department lead and other staff members. The security guard didn't need sound to tell when Felix was chewing someone out, an occurrence that happened on a frequent basis.

From all appearances, Felix must be working on the Volturi Cosmetics boards. An assortment of make-up products was lined up on the counter and pages from the pitch presentation were scattered about. Eric was surprised that no one else was there to help do the mock-ups as Bitch Boy usually had his minions put in the long hours, opting instead to just wait and take credit later.

There were potentially much more interesting scenes to observe, however, so Eric quickly flipped the switch that brought the second monitor to life – Mrs. C's office suite.

The rent-a-cop, as he often thought of himself, had quickly learned of Esme's reputation when he started. An accomplished business woman with an extreme eye for detail in the ads she created. Although very well respected and quick to put anyone in his or her place, the boss-woman was also seen as nurturing and supportive of everyone who worked there. A truly phenomenal woman in every way.

He alone knew of another side to the company's president and considering it was a Friday night, Eric was desperately hoping that Vixen-Esme would come out to play. For now though she was simply in the process of shutting down the computer at her desk, coat already tied firmly in place, so perhaps the boss was heading home early after all.

Third monitor on, conference room in view. That bitch Jane was in there yapping away on her cell phone, a rolling suitcase and small carry-one in the corner by the door. An airline ticket and passport stuck out from the side pocket of her purse so she must be heading off to another exotic location, either waiting at Masen for a cab or until she could badger her boyfriend into taking her to the airport. Eric didn't really give a fuck either way. He had never met her personally but had heard Jane's shrill voice enough from the other end of the hall. Yelling at Edward. Yelling at his assistant. Yelling at no one at all. Someone needed to remove that harpy's voice box and slap her around a little while they were at it.

With the flip of another switch, Emmett's office filled the next screen. The big guy was at his desk, but as Eric watched, a tall gorgeous blond entered the room with a six pack of beer in one hand and a bag of Chinese take-out in the other. Damn, she was all sex, although with that fierce look in her eyes, Eric would probably never have the balls to even buy her a drink at a bar. This was definitely a monitor he would have to pay special close attention to tonight.

He reluctantly turned his head away from the Amazon to turn on the fifth monitor. Although normally not in use at night, the studio was currently filled with soft light. Jasper appeared to be shooting product stills for the Purina campaign. Bags of cat food were arranged on a white cloth backdrop in the middle of the room and tins were scattered on a nearby table.

Sixth monitor. Reception area which also had a view of the elevator bank. Alice was there with her adorable daughter whose name Eric could never remember. Must be family night at Masen. The photographer's wife was one of the few people who had sought him out back when he started with a "welcome to the company" message. Ironic as she didn't actually work there, although Eric wondered if Alice sometimes forgot that little piece of information. She spent so much time at the ad agency that she even had her own computer login. In fact, Alice currently had the little girl set up on Leah's terminal playing some electronic game.

Eric quickly flipped the switch for the next monitor, the one he probably should have paid the most attention to but in reality rarely watched. The images alternated in a cycle between the various hallways and common areas. Nothing ever fun to see there, although considering the group of people who worked at this company, Eric might be speaking too soon.

And finally the eight monitor, which was dedicated to the other vice president's office. Mr. Cullen and his new assistant looked like they were going to pull another all-nighter. What was her name? Briana… Belinda… Bella! That was it. Anyway, _Bella_ was currently sitting on the floor surrounded by stacks of paper while Edward paced around the large desk running his hands through copper-colored hair. Eric never knew what to expect from that little screen. When he first started, it wasn't unusual to find the creative VP and his stick girlfriend in a compromising position, but not so much lately. Now the only "show" he occasionally got from number eight was when Bella leaned over and her skirt slid up those creamy thighs, a view he noticed Edward also checked out.

Now that everything was up and running, Eric leaned back in his chair to enjoy the evening's offerings. His eyes were immediately drawn back to the first screen. Felix appeared to be locking the door. Hmm, that was strange…

_What the fuck!?_

After walking back to the table, Felix proceeded to expertly apply lipstick, smoothing the fuchsia hue over lips that were definitely not lush and kissable. Eric was pretty confident that Volturi didn't have that use in mind when they sent over a product case.

Next was mascara and even a little blush. Yeah, Felix definitely knew what he was doing. This was no two year old experimenting with his mom's makeup bag. The scary part was that his face had totally transformed, and not just because of the added color. For once Felix wasn't scowling but instead had a carefree glow about him. Eric was just starting to have a little sympathy for the guy thinking he was misunderstood when…

_You've got to be shitting me._

The productions chief was now dancing around the room on his tiptoes like a fucking ballerina apparently singing at the top of his lungs. He grabbed a cloth tape measure and started twirling the length over his head while spinning in circles. For once Eric wished the security system had sound. On second thought, maybe not. Felix was probably singing My Fair Lady or some shit like that.

Now the shirt came off and what do you know – there was a blood-red lace bra underneath with sequins no less. _My man Felix is a cross-dresser_. _Wait until Leah hears about this._ Not that Eric had a problem in general with those who swung that way, but this was the King of Douche slipping on patent-leather pumps. Having this kind-of shit on him in particular was priceless. Of course Eric would never actually tell anyone, including Leah, but it was amusing to play out blackmail fantasies in his head.

Speaking of fantasies, Eric really needed to stop looking at Felix – especially if he planned on revealing a silk thong next - and instead see what that blond bombshell was up to. His eyes quickly flickered back to the fourth monitor.

Yes! He was hopefully going to get lots of good material for his next alone time as it appeared her and Emmett was playing strip poker. Wait, not poker…

_Who the hell plays strip Go Fish? _

Apparently Emmett doesn't play it well as he was down to his tie, wife beater undershirt, and one sock while Full & Perky seemed to have only lost a shoe. It didn't surprise Eric at all that Emmett removed his underwear before those other items.

Unfortunately the sight of Emmett's erect cock was ruining the whole scene for Eric, especially as he couldn't help but compare the size to his own member. He had bulked up a lot over the last few years and definitely wasn't the skinny nerd from his high school days, but unfortunately there were some things about his body Eric couldn't change. He would just wait and check back in later and pray to all that was holy that Long Legs' dress would come off soon. He could just picture her zipper going down, down, down until the black number fell freely off her luscious curves. Eric's tongue flicked out involuntarily as he imaged pulling one pink nipple between his lips.

His own cock twitched, but the fantasy was interrupted when a flash of silver from the left caught his attention and drew Eric's eyes back to the conference room monitor. Jane had obviously finished up her phone call as she was now seated with her carry-on opened in front of her on the table. The silver had come out of the bag and was in the form of a long silk scarf which Jane was now tying around her own eyes.

_Hmm… this could be extremely promising. _

Jane wasn't his type physically at all, and her personality further closed the lid on any attraction Eric might have usually felt towards her, but in reality, he could never resist a little bondage erotica. He assumed the boyfriend would be joining her soon, but with one quick glance at monitor eight, Eric ruled out that possibility. Edward and Bella still seemed completely engrossed in their project.

Maybe he would get to see Jane engage in a little self-pleasure instead, which could still have its merits when considering the blindfold, but wait… she was pulling more items out of the suitcase. Whips perhaps?

Nope. More like whip cream. An apple pie, box of doughnuts and several Twinkies were now spread in front of Jane in a sugar buffet. Eric was impressed she could maneuver everything around without the aid of sight, but more surprised at the thought of Miss Bean Sprouts eating all of that shit.

He was proven wrong once again. _Bitch-Chick must think it doesn't count if she can't see the food._

Confirmation: The super model definitely has a few screws loose.

Jane proceeded to jab her entire face into the pie tin. Bits of apple goo were dripping off her chin and a piece of crust had attached itself to her forehead. She ate with a vengeance as if someone was threatening to take it away if she didn't slurp everything up fast enough.

As she was snagging one doughnut with her teeth while grabbing two of its friends in each hand, an elbow jab sent one of the Twinkies flying off the table. Jane seemed to sense its absence as she immediately fell to her hands and knees, frantically scrambling around on the floor while her blindfold stayed firmly in place. She hadn't dropped the doughnuts in her rush so the pasties were being mashed into the carpet as her limbs sought out the missing Hostess treat. Realizing that food was going to waste, the banshee paused for a brief second to lick those smeared desserts from the floor before continuing the search.

_Forget Felix. _This_ is the ultimate blackmail material. _

As Eric watched the scene, Jane's heel caught on the table leg, but that didn't stop her quest for cream-filled goodness as she ventured farther under the furniture. She simply used the new position as a leverage point, pressing her foot against the table leg to propel her body. Eric could see the wood bowing under the pressure. Who knew Skinny Ass had that kind of muscle power, but maybe it was like those situations when a child is trapped in a burning car and the mom is able to lift the vehicle due to an extreme adrenaline rush. Apparently Jane was _that_ attached to her Twinkies.

Crack, split, and the table goes down.

All he could see were her legs sticking out, flaying about, the rest of the she-demon buried beneath the tabletop. But the Christian Loboutins on her feet were still moving, so she couldn't be that hurt, right? The whole thing reminded Eric of that scene from Wizard of Oz when Dorothy is in Munchkinland, except with ruby soles sticking out instead of slippers.

_Wicked Bitch of the West. That's Jane to a tee._

Eric decided to look away so he could claim ignorance in the case Jane didn't make it out of the room alive. Death by Twinkie – a potentially fitting end to a wretched life. As his eyes glanced at the other monitors instead, he couldn't help but notice that Mrs. C was still in her office so maybe there would be a little theater offering tonight after all.

Sure enough, Esme picked that moment to let the coat slide slowly off her body and to the floor. Underneath was a Little Bo Peep costume. At least that is what the nursery rhyme maiden would have worn if she worked a pole at the Lusty Lady.

The night watchman continued to be amazed at the incredible rack on that woman, especially considering her age. Her nipples were currently poking through the ruffles in her barely-there outfit, toned and silky legs disappearing underneath the short skirt. This was a new scenario which Eric was extremely thankful for. He was getting a little tired of the slutty teacher and pirate wench outfits that Esme normally alternated between. Although who could really complain about getting to watch their hot boss role-play with her husband. Speaking of which, where was Carlisle…

_Hot damn! _

Eric couldn't decide whether he was disgusted or turned on as Esme's husband crawled, yes crawled out of her private bathroom with nothing on but sheep-skin chaps and little horns on his head. Mrs. C immediately started chasing him around the desk and once she caught him… Well, apparently he must have been a very bad sheep and gotten lost again to deserve a spanking like that. But it is what Esme did next with a shepherd's crook that really caught the security guard's attention.

_Ouch, that shit's got to hurt. _

Then again, maybe not as the little lamb sure seemed to be enjoying it.

Eric's sixth sense suddenly perked up so his eyes left Esme's office to scan the other monitors. Forget mind reading and future glimpsing, the lucky bastard has been blessed with an uncanny ability to know when complete nudity was nearby, a trait that had been a god-sent since he hit puberty.

He immediately looked to Emmett's office thinking and hoping that he would finally get to see those prefect breasts, but unfortunately the blond goddess had only lost her second shoe while the VP was down to his tie. Instead, Eric's instincts pointed him to fifth monitor. Okay, so maybe it was less about a special ability and more about him being a complete horn-dog who instantly zoned in after catching a glimpse of naked skin.

It would seem that Jasper was now taking some unsanctioned photographs. Or at least Eric assumed that Purina wouldn't want shots of his naked wife stretched across five pound bags of cat food in their next magazine advertisement. Alice had apparently left her daughter at Leah's desk – which a quick glance at monitor six confirmed – and was now "assisting" her husband. She rolled a tin of the food up and over the peaks of her small but firm breasts while the fingers of her other hand found another use. Jasper snapped away as he moved closer and closer to the small body which was now shimmering with a thin coating of sweat, overheated from her own actions and the many spotlights.

And then the photographer attacked. It all happened so fast that Eric could barely follow the scene. A bag must have exploded from the impact because suddenly bite-size pieces of kitty treats were covering both of their bodies as the couple rolled around on the drop cloth.

_Meow! Someone's pussy was getting the royal treatment tonight, _Eric thought as he watched Alice's tanned legs wrap around Jasper's back as he moved rhythmically in and out of her body. Jasper suddenly flipped his wife around, but she still fought him for control, meeting his every thrust, arching her back…

_And that's a wrap!_ Eric quickly turned off the monitor as the pressure in his pants became unbearable. Despite being a pervert at heart – and not being ashamed of it – Eric could never bring himself to actually "finish the job" in a situation like this even though being subjected to those kinds of images clearly called for some palm action. It just seemed too pathetic to masturbate sitting alone in a dark room while on the clock. Which is why some nights were particularly painful, especially when a certain someone didn't stop by for a quick visit. But give up his little peep shows? Never!

As a distraction, Eric checked in on Edward and Bella. They were _really _settling in for the long haul as both had changed into sleepwear. Eddie had flannel pajama pants on, tiny jungle animals covering his long muscular legs and tight ass. A fitted white t-shirt hugged his upper body. The pants hung low so that every time he raised his hands to rub them through his hair – which was often – a sliver of perfectly toned abs was visible. Eric was a ladies-man through and through, but if he weren't… Well, he couldn't believe anyone with a pulse could deny Edward's Adonis status.

Bella had on a blue camisole and simple cotton shorts. Actual fucking bunny slippers covered her feet and her long brown hair was braided down her back. Edward's assistant had thrown a zipped hoodie on over the outfit, probably in the hopes of being more office appropriate, if there was such a category for that particular type of clothing. But while the look could have been cute or even childish on some women, Bella unknowing painted an alluring picture that was almost impossible to resist. She couldn't have looked any sexier if she had donned skimpy lingerie instead.

An extreme stress level was radiating from Edward's body, visible even through the 2-D monitor, signaling that they must not be making the progress he would like. Bella obviously had picked up on it as well as she apparently was suggesting they do yoga stretches. Eric could only assume she wanted to calm her boss down.

The result though seemed to be the complete opposite.

The scene started off tame enough. Bella led Edward through some breathing exercises and simple standing poses, but as soon as she leaned over for Downward-Facing-Dog, the monster in Edward reared up. The monster in his loose-fitting pajama pants that is.

Edward's eyes narrowed into dark slits as he drank in the sight of Bella's very fuckable ass swaying in front of him as she stretched her calf muscles. Her body was positioned in a prefect triangle. The VP moved up behind his assistant as if in a trance. Eric could definitely imagine what Edward was thinking since the same thoughts were running through his own head.

_Just one quick pull on those cotton shorts and he could be buried deep inside seconds later._

Eric knew somehow that Bella would be so incredibly tight and warm and wet. He pictured pounding into her as she held the yoga stance and then thought of all the other positions they might attempt.

Edward managed to regain control of his brain – if not other body parts - as he was suddenly seated with his lower half safely hidden behind the desk. He muttered something, probably an excuse for ending the yoga session early, but refused to look Bella in the eye. If he had, the hurt and embarrassment would have been impossible to miss. The poor girl probably assumed Edward had thought her idea was stupid.

_That's okay, Sweet Ass, you don't need him. Big Daddy here will do all the poses you want. And introduce you to a few new positions you probably haven't tried yet._

As he shook those delicious thoughts from his mind, it occurred to Eric that maybe he should check in on the building's smallest current occupant since her parents were obviously engaged in other activities. The young girl was still on Leah's computer, but the screen no longer displayed the Disney Playhouse website. Instead, she had somehow managed to open an email browser and seemed to be uploading a file from the company's shared drive. Was this just the coincidental result of the child banging on the keyboard randomly?

Out of curiosity, Eric zoomed the security camera in so that Leah's computer screen filled his monitor.

TO: MIKENEWTON

FROM: THEMADHATTER

ATTACHED IS PITCH PRESENTATION FOR V.C. EXPECT USUAL PAYMENT IN RETURN. LEAVE COOKIES IN TREEHOUSE BY 3:00 PM SAT.

The security guard has seen a lot during his four months at Masen, but this was by far the strangest.

_I should probably tell someone about the email, huh? Nah, why bother. She is probably only writing to a playmate from school._

All thoughts of computer prodigies left Eric's mind in the next moment as he heard the lock turn and sensed a figure sliding in through the door behind him. Only one other person had a key to this room, a copy Eric had made himself.

She didn't say anything when she entered, but that didn't surprise Eric as neither of them were ever very verbal during these little sessions. Their relationship was one of convenience and mutual lust. No need to mess with the no-strings perfection they had achieved.

Eric quickly switched off all eight computer monitors – after all, he did have some scruples when it came to his job – before slowly turning his chair around. The room was dark, but he could still make out the intruder from the glow of the computer terminal. Eric's eyes slowly traveled up her body taking in the tight leather pants and black studded corset. Her hair was slicked back in a high pony tail that begged to be yanked, much different than the style she wore when leaving the office earlier tonight. The two of them had passed in the building lobby as he was entering. A habit they timed well. A metal cord had been wrapped around her left wrist three times, a signal letting Eric know it would be a good night.

His visitor twirled a pair of handcuffs around one finger.

"Ready for some fun, Mr. Security Guard? I think I might need a full body search, although you should probably tie me down first so I can't escape," Leah purred seductively.

Yep, Eric Yorkie was definitely a fan of bondage.

_I fucking love this job_ was the last coherent thought in his mind before another head completely took over.


End file.
